Fearlessly Courageous
Desk of Dennis Piller
3 6 2024
Did I Ever have a relationship with you?
I was asked to counsel a family where two siblings were divided over a family issue. One made a critical statement that has stuck with me as it pertains to many segments of our daily lives.
She said, I know we are sisters. We did everything together most of our lives
but I don’t think I have ever had a relationship with you.
She said, even aside from this incident, you are never really transparent with me.
Honestly, I don’t know that I can trust you.
I have looked around to a host of people I know, who do not have good relationships with their siblings or even parents. How sad is that? Those that know us best, don’t want to know us more.
Life has happened and we don’t have a true friend relationship with them. Honestly, they or we are too busy with other things, whatever they are, to put any time into developing a true relationship.
I know two sisters who for the first 55 years of their life never had a close relationship.
There were no blow-ups, no buried issues. They didn’t live in the same state, had different lives, and honestly, they would speak occasionally but not what you would call a close relationship at all until one became their mom’s caregiver and she needed her sister to help with her.
Now that their mom has passed, they speak multiple times a week in their long-distance relationship.
I am so happy for them now but there were so many years lost in between.
I started to research why this happens and discovered
People often think of siblings as ready-made friends, but that’s not always the case. We tend to give siblings a pass on problematic behaviors because they’re family
• Siblings who never learn to manage these conflicts are most at risk for adult family estrangement, says Katherine Conger,
• sibling estrangement can occur when the person on the receiving end of that hurtful behavior decides they’ve had enough.
Other common causes include: Childhood jealousy or envy that can give rise to intense sibling rivalry.
• It is also common for siblings to fight, which can lead to rivalry and hatred over time.
• research says: that it is not uncommon to dislike members of your family. Not liking your family does not make you a bad person. In some cases, you can still maintain relationships with people even if you may not necessarily like them
• It’s pretty common for siblings to grow apart as they get older because of their own relationships and children, different lifestyles, different personalities, and different realities.
• Coleman: Typical reasons why sibling rifts or estrangement begin include perceived or objectively differential treatment by parents, which can cause one sibling to distance themselves because they feel less valued.
• Unhealthy behaviors, like miscommunication and lack of boundaries, may cause you to feel disconnected from your family.
• Karl Pillemer, PhD, found that roughly 27 percent of the adult population is experiencing family estrangement, roughly 9 percent of which can be attributed to sibling relationship fallout.
The Second Greatest Commandment is to love your neighbor as yourself. I know that must include Family.
“The greatest thing a person can do for another is lead them closer to GOD than to themself.”
Shouldn’t we all want a relationship with family where people look at us and say,
you can tell God put them together?
I think sometimes it means more to us to win a lost soul in our neighborhood than to be a godly influence on a family member. It begins by praying for them. I suggested to these two sisters to pray for each other for just one minute a day. One said I am not a good prayer. I told them they should each have a list of important things they should be praying for. One Minute is not too much to ask to pray god will restore your relationship. They both promised. “Oh Lord, I want to love and lay down my life just like you loved and laid down your life for me.”
Relationships are a gift from God, but they are also complicated to navigate. They can be uplifting and encouraging when they go right, yet confusing and hurtful when they go wrong.
No matter what type of relationship challenge you may be facing, Scripture can help you handle it. There is an example of every type, good and bad in the bible. Do some homework!
You may have been hurt in your relationships, or you may have been the one to hurt others.
Forgiveness is the best way to open a new path in a hurting relationship.
Proverbs 18:19 says, “An offended friend is harder to win back than a fortified city. Arguments separate friends like a gate locked with bars”. –
I know that placing boundaries is a healthy and godly thing. I know that there are some family matters that we need to be protected against because of lifestyles and mental health issues and I know that betrayal Hurts
Ps 41:19 Even my best friend, the one I trusted completely, the one who shared my food, has turned against me. –
Psalm 41:19 talks about King David experiencing that kind of betrayal.
John 13:34 says, But we also need to love as Jesus did. So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other. –
I know that what I am speaking of is not always possible but Romans 12:18 says, “If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men”.
Jesus set a very high bar for us to follow. He washed the feet of his disciples and he included Judas who would betray him. You cannot do this in your physical will or emotions but God will empower you to show this kind of love in your relationships. He will help you love even when it is hard.
You can still lay down your life for those you may have to set boundaries for. John 15:13 says Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. –
Great love requires sacrifice. You don’t have to literally die for someone else to prove your love for them. However, you may need to die to yourself many times in your relationships to make improvements.
Love prospers when a fault is forgiven, but dwelling on it separates close friends. – Proverbs 17:9
The greatest investment is the power of the gospel in people.
through people and for people and each of us has a part. Each of us has a gift and a purpose and there is a call out for your name by God almighty. He says he has prepared a place for you, to be heard… to tell your story… to encourage others who are struggling like you were or maybe you are. My mom told me that if you’re down, struggling, and walking in doubt look out and see what is around you. The brokenness, calamity, and lostness of people in their pain and despair…
BUT GOD SAYS. I send you. Can you feel it? Will you fulfill the purpose I have for you?
Give yourself away to me… to your brothers and sisters…to my other children and be about my work…
Be about the eternal… It is not about the silos the world is building. It is not about the grain in the storehouse that will be gone soon enough. Look to me…I am eternal and have called you to sit with me in high places. I have called you to love as I do…Do it, because of the love you have for me…
casting crowns Only Jesus https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_eQd3K2Fxp4&list=PL3oW2tjiIxvTstLS9GlgaT_mqONT0WVDw&index=18
