Fearlessly Courageous
Desk of Dennis Piller
5 15 2024
I wonder at what point do the people we are pointing an accusing finger at, cease to be the problem?.. And when do we start loving the similarities we have with them?
I had a male friend years ago who was very bottom line, and he could be a bit brutal about his delivery. I remember a few people asking, how can you be friends with him? I said, 80% of his attributes I truly enjoy and after awhile I ceased to see that other 20%. I focused on what I liked about him. I pray others can see me that way.
When God created Adam and Eve, even though they have distinct physical differences it was not the differences that defined them or that caused their attraction to one another it was their similarities.
It was the things they had in common that caused this
pure and unselfish love for one another.
Even in the secular world there is little or no evidence for opposites attracting.
Relationships are more likely when couples share similar values, religion, attitudes, cultural backgrounds and politics. Bottom line opposites do not attract. Animal attraction? It can certainly attract people initially but that is not what will hold them together. Too many divorces began with that initial animal or chemistry attraction… including foreplay and sex before realizing that it actually married them in their spirit, tied them together emotionally, and made if very hard to walk away because of too many differences. (Being unequally yoked) But few know that a spiritual bond/connection happened spiritually, even through they were not married, when the two come together physically.
But even when a man and women marry with a solid base of common virtues and faith, there are still differences that fall into the realm of “iron sharpens iron”. There are often serious challenges in our relationships. But the truth be told when we remove those challenges, we also remove the opportunity for growth. A lack of it causes stagnation in every area of life and can even keep us from walking deeper in our relationship with Christ and all he has for us in this life.
Romans 14:1 says:
“As for the one who is weak in faith, welcome him, but not to quarrel over opinions” It tells us not to quarrel over disputable matters. Here, God is speaking about the church, but it can easily apply toward our marriage too..
I have a dear childhood friend who didn’t walk with God most of their life. I found them after being separated 30 yrs and they had found Jesus. They were now a Greek Orthodox and was concerned that my theology, as a more mature believer, would confuse them in her fledgling faith and didn’t want that to happen, so it wasn’t an area we could freely talk about. They mentioned yesterday in a text that they were afraid their posture of believing had separated us. I told her that Jesus being at the center of a person’s life is the most vital key. As long as one filters their belief or their churches beliefs through the word of God with Jesus at its center, then you and I could never be separated. I said I will not let lesser theological differences separate us. Being raised a Catholic we were also told, not to listen to other priest not of our denomination. Do not visit their churchs, do not take their communion or participate in what they do.
Our church is the only true Church. As you know, that does not line up with Gods word and I don’t stand in that theology today although I still deeply love a number of Catholics I fellowship with.
I think that must be true in marriage and in our close relationships. There will be differences, and a jostling and bumping even with those who are equally yoked in their faith in Christ. We are both saved, secure and bound eternally to Jesus. But we are still on earth tilling the rocky soil of our marriage and other deep relationships.
ONE LOVE LANGUAGE
So what is your love language? What is your spouses? Even when we both know them, we still get frustrated, angry, hurt and at times feel unloved.
The world says if you stop connecting ,get divorced and find someone who makes you happy. How many people, even Christians, have been married multiple times looking for someone to make them happy. Pride is typically at the bedrock of it all.
Jesus Christ, would have me/us carry our cross to the top of the hill of my marriage, loving my spouse unconditionally. Why? Because we are bound together in covenant of grace with Christ,
which is even stronger than our covenant of marriage.
Burk Parsons said, “The love language of all marriages is self-denial.” Wow if that doesn’t bust a bubble.
It isn’t an issue of the other persons darkness or differences, it is an absence of enough of God’s light.
We are the ones that need to change. Our attitude, the tone of our words, (MY major problem) and our thoughts and actions.
I think of how God uses his children when they are truly submitted and obedient to Christ personally even when things are really tough. Look at Joseph, thrown into a pit, sold to an Egyptian caravan, put in prison to eventually become 2nd only to Pharaoh himself. How much did his pride have to die? How many times, reflecting on the unfairness of this or that? How many years must I endure dear Lord before your plan for me takes shape. Doesn’t that typically depend on us, our submission, our obedience, our levels of forgiveness to others? Self Denial!
Christ has told us in John 15:12 to love my spouse as Christ has loved me. And in Luke 6:31, he instructs me to treat others, especially my spouse, as I would want to be treated. It is light that disperses darkness and our differences. Shouldn’t we be considering Col 3:14 which exhorts us to “put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony”?
I think of the small girls who prayed for the atheist…and even in their differences you could see that the purity of her heart touched them. It can even disarm the atheist and agnostics because of the purity of their innocence.
Why is it not with us when we are judgmental and anger? Why can’t we pray and minister thru the love of god? At what point do people cease to be the problem and we start loving them as God loves us. So much he laid down his life for us. We have heard it a 1000 times but still loses its significance as we dwell on our differences without his light.
When we sin and mess up we turn… Jesus doesn’t! he is the same yesterday, today and forever. What will it take for us to realize just how much God loves the opposing side of our frustration, whether it be our spouse or a friend or a mere acquaintance. And we are supposed to be like him. Become like him, as he changes us by his grace from glory to glory as we continue to die to ourselves.
