Fearlessly Courageous
Desk of Dennis Piller
4 17 2024
What if I’m not good enough?
What if I’m not good enough? That was the song I heard yesterday. What if… and then I read online:
“I feel like I’m not good enough to get loved or to receive love. I am not good enough to really succeed.
I feel like I don’t deserve it and am not good enough for it… So what’s wrong with me?”
I was never bullied in my life, but I was always pressing for something I never had. ENOUGH!
Whatever I had, whatever I did, wasn’t enough for me. I was never satisfied with me or what I had achieved, it just wasn’t enough. I tried. I pushed. Honestly, I never felt I was smart enough or good enough, so I “out worked” everyone and then I did some more, and it almost always worked. But even then, it was never enough because I never thought it would last, I never felt it would be the enough to get me to the finish line, so I kept pushing for more of what the world had to offer. And I hurt a lot of people along the way. And sprinkled in all of this were my prayers. Lord help me. God help me be successful. Help me be somebody. But more often than not I lived in this waiste land between what God blessed me with and what I could ring out by my efforts and self-determination. Whatever came my way, whether it be work or what looked like love, was never enough to carry me beyond the moment. I lived somewhere between… I was just not good enough… and is this all there is?
But somewhere along the line, God infused in me that all God’s children are chosen. That God loved me beyond my insecurities, my discouragements, and my failures and filled those holes with the hope of his glory. The hope of his calling. A faith in the only love that really matters and is the same yesterday, today and forever. Heb. 3:8 Jesus.
Unprecedented, unrivaled, unparalleled, and unrelenting in his pursuit of me.
Isaiah 43:18-19 says it clearly “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland”.
You and I are worthy because of one thing…because he first loved us. 1 John 4:19 I was unable to see that for so long because of the pain I was in and the loneliness and the cruel words that took me there.. I had to find out the seed must die to live again. John 12 :24 That those things I clung to…because I knew them.., were not my friends! They were spirits sent to destroy me and the testimony of what delivered me from those terrible lies. Insecurity, confusion, discouragement, not believing in me, or God
I once thought all these things were so very important, but now I consider them worthless because of what Christ has done. Yes, everything else is worthless compared to the priceless gain of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. I have discarded everything else, counting it all as garbage, so that I may have Christ and become one with him. Philippians 3:7-9, NLT
I like so many of you, felt this urge to seek out more of God in my life. I knew something was missing. I knew about this hole inside me that just wouldn’t be satisfied no matter what pleasure I tried to fill it with. I went through this stage after Catholicism of trying a new church with a different set of people almost every weekend. A good number of you I met at a small group gathering. I suspect you too were looking to fill that hole of loneliness. A hole of really having no one to point you to the answer and you went out alone or with your spouse searching for that something more.
Courageous faith starts with daring to try…to reach out courageously. But you didn’t know it was the Holy Spirit that fueled that hunger. He gave you that courage to commit…even for a little while as you put a foot in the water of believing. And maybe, like me, you started hearing the story of others and discovered you were not alone. Others had followed a similar path and found God along the way.
They all, similarly, had the same story. Will you reach out to God and ask him to forgive you? Will you share with someone else your burdens and confess what you think makes you unworthy or worthless to God? As we listen to others, we find that accountability is not this dark hole to be avoided at all costs but it’s a life raft to help you get to the other side, complete with boundaries to protect this new life and new reason for living.
Somewhere along the way, we realize we cannot do it without him. We are enough…we are special…and we can be courageous in a life that we often mocked, ALL because of Christ in us the hope of glory.
Col 1:27 Part of that journey is partnering with other men and women in Godly relationships. Being authentic. Laying your past fears and mistakes at the foot of the cross and often on the table of accountability with other brothers who need your story, just as you needed his.
It is a narrow road, and our problems don’t just disappear. We may still experience fear, and rejection and even suffer through some valleys, without a clear reward in sight. BUT GOD…will be there to support you. To encourage you to stand strong in your faith. Eph 6:10 God along with the new men or women in your life will pull you from your old deceitful shell that has always been a ball of lies and dishonor.
He never said your roads would be all paved and smooth. Sometimes it’s a rough ride, but in you is building a faith and courage that matters to God and to those you love and love you.
You are enough in Christ. You can do all things in Christ. Phil 4:13
And when you are feeling your lowest go out and serve someone in their pain. Call that friend and pour out your hurts and they will pray with you…stand with you. I promise. And if you are short that kind of friend in this season of your life. Call me. I will stand with you. Send me a note and we will pray with you…believe with you and believe in you, that we are all enough because God chose us…called us…and is fashioning us in the vessel of his choosing.
A courageous and Godly man or women who knows we are worthy
only because of Jesus and his abundant love for you.
El Shaddai Amy Grant
