Fearlessly Courageous
Desk of Dennis Piller
5 27 2026
When Man Is Really a Man
The Strength We Were Never Supposed to Bury
What if the strongest thing a man could ever do… was stop pretending he feels nothing?
What if the walls we built to look strong are the very thing suffocating our souls, distancing our families, and silencing the work the Holy Spirit longs to do within us?
Somewhere along the way, many of us men learned how to hold it together… but forgot how to let God truly hold us. We became experts at restraint, reserve, silence, and emotional concealment. Yet the very moments that often mark us deepest are the moments where those walls finally crack. And maybe… just maybe… that cracking is not weakness at all.
Maybe it is where healing begins.
How is it that it takes a life-threatening moments or a cancer event to get us to soften our souls? Why is that emotion that wells up inside for a brief millisecond… causing that almost unnoticeable choking up that no one sees… but it was real? And then we come back to our emotional senses. Yep… we pull it back in. Can’t let that escape for someone to see. But eventually that “someone” also becomes our family, our children, our closest friends. Like there is something wrong with it.
We know there isn’t… but we still choke it off.
When I was doing my mother’s funeral, I was holding it together pretty good. But when a certain song she loved came on… I literally lost it. Just like I might have if I was completely alone and not standing before a hundred people watching on. My oldest daughter started the parade, followed by my other two daughters, as they all ran to hold and support me.
Someone captured that moment in a picture. It is one of my most prized memories and possessions.
So maybe I’m speaking a little more to us men out there than the 34% of my readers who are women. You girls often know better how to not hold back. You’re able to share your emotions and let people feel what is real and overflowing from your heart. But guys… we have got to invite the Holy Spirit into this portion of our lives.
Into this expression of emotion that is occasionally the real you.
The shortest verse in the Bible may also be one of the most powerful:
“Jesus wept.” John 11:35
Jesus stood at the tomb of Lazarus knowing full well He was about to raise him from the dead. Yet He still wept. He was not embarrassed. He was not lesser of a man because emotion overflowed from Him. He loved deeply… therefore He grieved deeply. I am certain He was overwhelmed as I was and simply broke down unashamedly, expressing the love of a dear friend.
Yet many of us hide behind the mask of being proper, reserved, in control, and private, as though that was somehow the definition of manhood. Over time, we have redefined masculinity into something God never intended. Stuff the feelings down. Lock the lid. Back the truck over it for good measure. But the truth is this: God designed us with emotions, and Scripture teaches us not only to recognize them, but to bring them honestly before Him. Those emotions are not a flaw. They are part of His design.
I’m not talking about becoming emotionally reckless or unstable. Even Jesus overturned tables in the temple to defend what was holy and protect the marginalized. Emotion itself was never the problem. Unsubmitted emotion is.
Do you want more faith? Then pray for it.
Do you want more patience? Ask God for it.
Do you want discernment and peace?
Read His Word and ask the Holy Spirit to take up greater residence within you.
And maybe part of that process means removing some of the things that have filled your soul and crowded Him out. Be intentional about expressing your love and affection to those you cherish. Because part of the problem is we have subconsciously ceased to want emotional honesty. We buried it beneath reserve, perceived control, and so-called manhood… while the most precious moments of our lives quietly slipped by under emotional lock and key.
David wrote: “My heart grew hot within me; while I meditated, the fire burned;
then I spoke with my tongue.” Psalm 39:3
Getting In Touch with Your Emotions
I know… sounds like a girl thing. But it isn’t. It is the truth of bringing your whole self … heart, mind, soul, fears, disappointments, joys, wounds, hopes … before God without the pride of pretense. The Psalms are overflowing with honest prayers of joy, hope, anger, fear, grief, and desperation. David verbalized them. He vocalized them. He brought them into the light before the Lord. That is emotional honesty. And too many men simply do not do it well.
Spiritual Awareness through Emotional Awareness
Have you ever thought about it that way?
When we recognize those inner emotions and ask God “Why?”… something begins to shift. When we talk honestly with a trusted brother or friend, we suddenly discover we are not nearly as alone as we thought. Then comes intentionality … standing before those emotions and saying: “You will not control my choices. God will shape my response.”
The answer is not suppression. It is not avoidance. By His Spirit, we sit with those emotions, bring them before Christ, and ask:
“Why am I feeling this?”
“What is this revealing in me?”
“How do I respond in a way that honors God?”
That is freedom. That is strength. That is maturity.
Our emotions can reveal something beautiful if surrendered properly. The honest expression of them is often a true step forward into spiritual awareness and strength. Pride stands opposed to this kind of vulnerability, but Christ does not. When we love God with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength… that includes our emotions too.
And perhaps that is where real manhood really begins … not in emotional suppression, but in emotional surrender before God. Because the strongest men are not always the loudest, hardest, or most controlled. Sometimes they are simply the ones brave enough to finally let God into the deepest chambers of their soul.
If you are so lucky to be in the last minute with the love of your life, you will be searching for the deepest emotions and words you can imagine and hopefully express. You might also just be wishing that you had given more of them in the years before. Don’t wait. Ask God to help you discover the strength you were never meant to bury. Do it now.
And when you do… walls will fall. Families will heal and relationships will deepen
and the extra prize…. is you will leave that legacy for those who love you.
And Christ will be reflected more clearly through them than ever before.
Let this be the day God guides you home.
Love you all,
Dennis
“What part of this hit home for you this morning? What are you carrying today that needs prayer? If you’d like, send me a prayer request here. Let’s invite the Holy Spirit in together. (where two are gathered.) You are not walking alone. Just hit reply…
I read every response.”
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Just a note on June 2nd, I continue to host a Discovering Jesus ONLINE 6-week course to dive deeper into our faith and empower you with true tenets of our faith to stand on. Tuesday nights, 7pm to 8:30. It is open to you, your spouse, your family, or your neighbors. Here is a link and I can send you the necessary materials. It is FREE of charge.
To join the video meeting, click this link: https://meet.google.com/zkb-dxcq-iau
Matt West Don’t Stop Praying
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