Fearlessly Courageous
Desk of Dennis Piller
8 17 2026
Have you ever looked at someone who was once very close to you and wondered, How did we get here?
Maybe it is a friend you once talked with every week, a brother or sister you hardly speak to anymore,
an adult child where every conversation has become guarded, someone at church you now avoid,
or even a spouse sleeping beside you who somehow feels miles away.
Usually there wasn’t one dramatic moment when everything changed. Something happened.
Somebody got hurt. Words were spoken. An apology didn’t come.
Another offense got stacked on top of the first one. We stopped talking about what mattered
and started talking around it. Eventually something that once felt terribly wrong
began to feel almost normal.
We became comfortable with the distance.
What do those Symptoms look like? – It Rarely Happens All at Once
I think that’s what makes division so dangerous. We expect destruction to arrive like an explosion, but sometimes it works more like a disease. There are symptoms long before there is a funeral.
A sarcastic comment. One more night of silence. An apology withheld because they need to apologize first. A conversation about someone instead of with them. An offense replayed until we have memorized every detail. Another opportunity to forgive that we decide to postpone.
None of those things by itself looks powerful enough to destroy a relationship.
But relationships can die one teaspoon at a time.
And this isn’t just about marriage. Friendships die this way. Families fracture this way.
Parents and children become estranged this way. Churches divide this way.
People who once worked beautifully together begin protecting themselves
from one another this way.
The symptoms are often remarkably similar: hurt becomes resentment, resentment becomes bitterness, bitterness creates distance, and eventually distance begins feeling safer than reconciliation.
Then one day we look around and think, Oh my Lord, how did this happen?
OUR WORDS — We Know Where to Aim
Scripture says, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue.” (Proverbs 18:21) We read that verse so easily, but think about what God is telling us. Something coming out of my mouth can carry life or death into another human being.
Proverbs says, “There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” (Proverbs 12:18)
Have you ever said something in anger and knew exactly where to aim?
I have.
We know the tender places in the people closest to us. A stranger doesn’t know where to put the knife. We do. We know their failures, fears, insecurities and wounds. That intimacy was intended by God to make us safer with one another. Sin can turn that same intimacy into a weapons locker.
And once those words leave our mouths, “I didn’t mean it” doesn’t magically pull them back.
How have we allowed distance to become easier than healing the heart?
Jesus said, “For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.” (Matthew 12:34) Sometimes our words reveal something growing inside us that we would rather not admit: contempt, resentment, pride, unforgiveness or even a desire to punish.
That’s when the real danger begins. Someone hurt us. Someone disappointed us. Someone didn’t treat us the way we believed they should. And somewhere along the way, we decided distance was easier than reconciliation.
The enemy doesn’t always need people screaming at each other.
Sometimes silence will do just fine.
Paul tells us, “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you…” and then tells us what must replace them: “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:31–32)
God isn’t merely telling us what to stop doing. He is showing us the antidote. Bitterness has to meet tenderness. Anger has to surrender to kindness. Unforgiveness has to confront the staggering reality of how much I have already been forgiven.
Have you noticed? Division seldom announces itself. It slips quietly into the ordinary places of life and begins separating what was once joined together.
And now think about marriage.
What ultimately becomes a divorce often began years before anyone ever considered leaving.
The same symptoms were there: words that wounded, offenses that accumulated,
apologies that never came, affection withheld, conversations avoided, forgiveness postponed.
Eventually two people can sleep in the same bed while living emotionally miles apart.
The papers didn’t create the separation. They documented where years of separation had finally led.
That ought to be a warning to every one of us, married or not.
Don’t allow something precious to slowly die while you are waiting for one dramatic event to tell you there is a problem.
Don’t wait until your child stops calling.
Don’t wait until the friendship disappears.
Or until you leave the church.
Or you and your spouse become strangers.
Pay attention to the symptoms.
There are, of course, dangerous and abusive relationships where separation and protection are necessary. Forgiveness does not require someone to remain in danger. That is a very different matter from the ordinary offenses, pride, resentment and unforgiveness I am talking about here.
None of us are IMMUNE
Maybe your marriage is wonderful. Maybe you’re not married at all.
You are still not immune. Neither am I.
None of us reaches an age, level of spiritual maturity or depth of faith where division can no longer touch us. It only needs something we love and an offense we are willing to keep feeding.
Jesus said, “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.” (Matthew 5:9) He didn’t say blessed are those who love peace. Most of us love peace. A peacemaker does something when peace begins disappearing.
So maybe the question today isn’t whether your marriage is in trouble.
Maybe the question is much closer to home:
Who are you becoming comfortable living without?
Who have you stopped pursuing? Whose offense has become larger in your mind than the relationship you once treasured? Is there a phone call you haven’t made because you’re waiting for them to make it first? Is there an apology you owe but pride keeps rewriting the story?
And perhaps the hardest question:
Is something God still wants to heal being allowed to die because neither of you will take the first step?
Prayer: Father, don’t allow me to become comfortable with division. Search my heart for bitterness, pride, resentment and unforgiveness. Show me the relationships where distance is quietly growing and especially show me my part in it. Give me wisdom where boundaries are necessary, but don’t allow me to call bitterness a boundary or pride discernment. Give me the humility to apologize, the grace to forgive and the courage to take the first step when You ask me to. Make me a peacemaker in my marriage, my family, my friendships and Your church. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
Thank you for spending these few minutes with me today. My prayer is that these devotionals don’t simply give you something to think about, but draw you into a deeper love for Jesus Christ.
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This Monday, Today – September 17th, and every Monday from 7:00–8:30 p.m. our Courageous Mens Group comes back together. Please join us. Let me introduce you to some other men who are also searching to be closer to God and their family and meet some new friends who love Christ.
Until next time, keep your eyes on Jesus…because He truly is the Treasure.
Blessings,
Dennis Piller
You Never gave up on me. Bates https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k45iSliZN
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