Fearlessly Courageous
Desk of Dennis Piller
8/27/2021
Who Has Permission to Ask You The Hard Questions?
Every Monday night at Grace Family Church Men’s group, I have the honor of sitting at a table with six or eight men as we discussed higher things in life. We discuss spiritual filters that God has given us to navigate, oftentimes, through very serious situations.
The topics often vary. We talk about marriage, anger, or hangups, frustrations, our weaknesses, and where we would like to improve. We listen to other men’s stories. Some of them came to our men’s group because they got this nudge by the Holy Spirit that it was time to get closer to God. They weren’t really sure exactly how to do it, or what their experience might be. But they came to a men’s group in hopes of finding a deeper meaning in their life and with God.
Others came simply because they had become an island, they really don’t have any friends. And the truth is, if they would admit it to themselves, they’re lonely for something deeper than a beer and a ball game.
Other men come because they’re hurting or fractured or something has happened in their life. It may be because their marriage is falling apart or their relationship with their children are out of control and they’re searching for help and for answers.
I am still always surprised at the commonality among men. As different as we are, we are so much alike. We struggle with so many of the same issues and ask so many of the same questions, but it’s typically to ourselves. Even to ourselves, we struggle with verbalizing many critical issues in our lives. I wonder how many men would be completely honest. If they were to ask three really tough questions about their lives, would they be able to think through their answers and come to some resolution that would improve them and bring life, growth, and positive Godly change?
And I think too many of us struggle with this. It’s just too easy to grab a beer and sit in front of the television at the end of a long day to just veg out for a while. I’m just too tired to think about such matters. It’s just too hard and I don’t have the answers. I’m not really comfortable talking to somebody else about it and so without thinking, we just place it up on the shelf and over the years it just continues to grow layers of dust. But sadly and typically
they grow roots and become bigger problems.
Last week I sat at another table and asked them, tell me when the last time you’ve had a conversation about spiritual things?.. about your fears and your failures and about the promises God has given to you to navigate them?
No one answered.
Honestly, where can you go to have conversations about God? Many of the men confessed that they really don’t even have them with their spouses or with their children. What does that say about the culture of our day? About the world that our children are growing up in. If we can’t delve into the standards that the Almighty God has given to us in the Bible what are we teaching them?
What exactly is the legacy that we’re leaving?
Most people know that men need men. We need to have conversations with people that will understand and listen. But for one reason or another, they are rarely intentional enough to get there.
So many of us are pretty decent in carrying on a conversation. You may even hear someone say, you can ask me anything you want..My life is an open book. The truth is that is very rarely the case. Yet no matter how many people I know around the world, those people who have access to my heart seem to be few.
We don’t get access to another’s lives just because we have a great idea, an opinion, or a preference. We move beyond everyday conversations with permission. Permission honors the relationship and creates the potential for meaningful engagement, whether in the moment or in the future.
But I have seen that these types of meaningful exchanges and conversations must be in the right place. Do you have a friend who is spiritually minded that we give access to anything and everything within our own lives? I know it’s rare. When we do find the hint of one, we often struggle with how to cultivate that soil.
These men who sit around the table on Monday’s men group, simply by their attendance have granted an avenue and in many cases permission to see the deeper side of their heart and hopes, their faith and their fears, and their desires and disappointments.
Not everyone has access or permission to my heart as this is only reserved for a select few Yet not giving permission to a few people will limit the potential of some extraordinary relationships.
What I have noticed in my time around these tables with so many different men, over so many years is that men do open up their hearts and share some pretty extraordinary stories about their pain and about their dreams.
I don’t often hear it said; Bob you can ask me any question you want. My life is an open book. I rarely see someone expressing that type of permission to a group of men but I have seen it happen time and time again.
As other men expressed their dreams and their fears, their love, and their loss and their hopes and heartaches it draws others to open up their hearts and their lives to godly men who can speak godly wisdom and direction and light into their lives.
Would you pray for an hour this week about getting some accountability in your life? About being intentional about not just flying under the radar with God?
“My Praise Is A Weapon!” YLC Praise Team
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8EZuUvCcSM4
