Fearlessly Courageous
Desk of Dennis Piller
12/7/2021
The Altars of My Own Solutions.
As I look at the busted walls as we are renovating parts of our home, I’m always a bit amazed at what’s behind them. Wires, supports, pipes, and insulation. If that were a person it would be pretty revealing because it would tell us the composite of who we are, what we think, and what we believe at a foundational level.
The good thing about my project is I pretty much knew when it would begin and when it would end. The actual busting-up part of the renovation didn’t bother me because it wasn’t a sign of Irreparable problems.
It was a sign of intentional progress.
I have stood and looked in the mirror at my brokenness and demolitioned heart a number of times over the years. But it wasn’t as easy to identify the pipes and wires. They were strange threads of fear, anxiety, shock, trauma and distrust. Everything was exposed; the pain and anguish seemed like it might not have an end or a safe place to hide.
When was the last time your heart or emotions have been laid bare?
I am certain, if you’re like me, you saw some things you didn’t want to see or admit were you. I tried to hurry and cover up some of my uglies and failures I didn’t even want to admit or see again. But the truth is until we deal with them,
they will be a seed that grows,
they will be the fruit you will not want others to see or know.
As we look at the fabric of our inner walls, inner character, our honest morality, and our true Christianity we might be genuinely broken. PS 51:17 “The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit, A broken and a contrite heart— These, O God, You will not despise”. Yet we still won’t talk about them to anyone. We don’t even want that discussion within ourselves. How sad is that? If people around your men’s or women’s group can discuss their addiction to porn or abortion they had, what is so great a sin that you have hidden in your walls that cannot be expunged by the grace and forgiveness of God?
Do you remember us speaking about the look of our inner walls being strange threads of fear, anxiety, shock, trauma, and distrust? DISTRUST… there it is hidden in the mix of so many other things. I seem to have this inherent lack of trust in the Master Builder, the maker of the universe. I love the Lord, however, when an incident happens that exposes my inner weaknesses or buried secrets, that I want to keep buried, then I want to tame God, and not trust my Master Builder. I know, we all know that God can’t be tamed, controlled, or manipulated but you can’t tell that by our actions sometimes.
When they destroyed my shower and created this incredible dusty mess, I was ok because I knew what the end result would look like. I knew when the demolition and rebuilding would be complete and I had a vision and security of knowing exactly what it was going to look like. I was all in. But when God wants to prune some of my branches, when he wants to cut a limb that has just become too big and I am too dependent on…the answer is no. I withdraw from volunteering, I pull back from this group or that one I was gladly a part of for my spiritual growth and accountability. I kicked into the high gear of distrusting God and His plan. Wow, I knew when it started but I had no idea who would see the rubble or know the extent of the inner renovations that God wanted to perform. I was once comfortable… yeah, I knew some changes needed to be made but not now, not this way. Not in public!
So I started offering my suggestions to the Grand Builder, I want to rewrite some of his plans…I start doing some repair work of patching, painting, and covering up some of my inner walls. Frantically!
I have watched the transformation of my home and honestly, I couldn’t have done that. Everything is so precise, measured, cut, and polished. It is so much out of my pay grade and I had absolutely no desire to replace my builder.
No siree!
But I wish I had that same confidence and clarity with the Master Builder as he takes aim at my life to transform me into more of His image. Whoa…that’s too fast. That’s too much. No, no… I don’t like that tool or that level… Come on Lord, it all doesn’t have to be level. Who will know? Interestingly, on Sunday morning, or in my prayer group I am quick to declare my trust in the Master Builder. But declaring faith is not the same as walking ours in absolute dependence on God to be God. That’s where I want to build altars of my own solutions and run to fixing things my way rather than fixing my eyes on the Lord and actually trusting Him.
In both cases, I am worshiping. But worshiping my desire over worshiping God himself is not an altar that honors God, is it? When spiritual erosion occurs in our lives God, our Master Builder will need to shore up some walls, supports and even replace some thinking and attitudes that have become unstable or unkind. God will make this personal.
But lastly, this demolition is not because God is unhappy or displeased with you. He has called you to this appointed time to understand the depth of his love for you like never before. He knew it was a perfect time. He knew we would be able to lean on his Holy Spirit and grow through this experience.
There is this disconnect somewhere between the faith I want
and the one I’m living.
I know you feel it too. I have seen it through tear-filled eyes and the questions people ask. So let’s acknowledge our distrust and discover how God will give us relief for our places of unbelief. By spending time in his word, we WILL find a more grounded faith. We will lay down what we think and what we want in the plans for our lives and earnestly seek the plans of the Master Builder as he escorts us on the journey to look more like him.
I chose the song “Run to You” today. Some of the lyrics don’t line up perfectly. God does know everything about us and he is always there for us and will never run away. But I thought the overall concept of Running to God would bless you today.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h9rCobRl-ng
Whitney Houston Run to You
Inspiration was taken from Lysa Terkeurst book – Trustworthy, A study of 1 & 2 Kings
