Fearlessly Courageous
Desk of Dennis Piller
12/14/2021
Chronic Unforgiveness
I spoke with a young man the other day whose life seems to be so immersed in alcohol, marijuana, and sadly what typically goes along with that, the wrong kind of friends. We discussed candidly and at the same time hurtful patterns in his life and the reputation he has gotten over the last few years. He too often does not keep his commitments and he always comes up with one excuse or another to deflect blame away from himself. I think people in the process of trying to save face often become habitual liars to accomplish that.
The words that came out of his mouth were, I never have belonged, I know I’m not a good person, I never can seem to do it right. I have never fit in.
I know his parents intimately. He comes from a good godly family and that house is in order. The words that he speaks are excuses and reasons why he continues on this lonely path. He drinks and smokes to run from his own pain, his own failures, and his own disappointment and for a few hours or for a night, all of that pain goes away. But I promise it will be back tomorrow hitting him a lot harder than his hangover and broken commitments because he couldn’t get out of bed.
I spoke with him about the hole in his heart
that he will never be able to fill without Christ.
Ephesians 2:10 says “we are created by God, for God, and in God. It says we are created for his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works which God prepared beforehand so we could walk in them”
But truly our brain has a mind of its own. If your brain even remotely recalls what resembles a threat from the past, your amygdala lights up in your brain to deal with the threat. Your brain cannot tell the difference between a real or imagined threat. It deals with them all as real. (Better to assume something as a threat and be wrong than to assume it is not a threat and be wrong).
Perhaps, when you were in school, you had to give a talk in front of the class and it went badly and people laughed at you, you may likely have the view now that you are simply no good at public speaking and therefore avoid doing any kind of speaking in front of groups, and that could go on for your whole life. That is a very constricted position to put yourself in. But the other cost can be equally as impactful and at times devastating. Because what goes along with that is; worry, frustration, stress, anger, guilt, shame, fear, panic, hopelessness, resignation, and effectiveness, unworkable relationships, lack of leadership.
And so what is the payoff?
You get to be right. We get to blame others.
We seemingly get to be in control.
We avoid being controlled by others.
We get to diminish other people so we look better.
We justify ourselves in our actions.
We get to play it safe and avoid taking risks.
We speak destructive words into our own lives that take root, affecting our lives and those around us!
Because of that bad experience in class or because of some failed relationships or it may be due to an addiction we had that caused us to think less of ourselves, and all of that becomes the filter that you move through life with. Your words about you have become a self-fulfilling prophecy. You’re caught in misery and the emptiness of that past event and feel completely trapped with no way to escape.
This young man had walked with God in his past. He accepted the Lord into his life. But then went astray and failed in the areas that we have mentioned and so the comeback is, I’ve already tried that and it didn’t work. That’s Satan‘s lie to each one of us. And the truth is on our own we will never succeed. It is only through a path of repentance and the renewing of our mind by the word of God that we will be able to escape these handcuffs that are on our life. Learning to forgive others also means learning to forgive ourselves. 1 John 1:9. “But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness.”
But that means we must acknowledge our failures. Admit them out loud. We must approach those we have hurt and ask forgiveness but we MUST forgive ourselves. Forgiveness is for our own growth and happiness. When we hold on to hurt, pain, resentment, and anger it harms us far more than it harms the offender.
The basis for forgiving ourselves is the kindness and compassion of God for us in Christ Jesus (Ephesians 4:32)! All who are in Jesus are freed from condemnation (Romans 8:1) and freed to love (Galatians 5:13). We are meant to display the mercies of God as sinners forgiven of their sins (1 Timothy 1:15-16)!
Extending grace and kindness to oneself and others is the transformation God affects in those who have received His grace and kindness. Such gentleness is only possible for us all because Jesus has set us free from the power of sin, the tyranny of self-rule, the oppression of evil (Galatians 5:1).
That freedom will never come from an act of one’s will
but only by the grace and forgiveness of a loving God.
And if you are blessed to have a God-fearing friend in your past, seek them out, ask forgiveness and help to walk the new road of freedom God has called you to. If you don’t know anyone…Reach out to me.
Loren Daigle Rescue
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gYR0xP1j4PY
