Fearlessly Courageous
Desk of Dennis Piller
1 23 2026
“Forgiven… But Why Does It Still Hurt?”
I’ve often spoken, and gently warned, about the danger of living life in a rearview mirror.
And I’m certainly not talking about your car.
I’m talking about unforgiveness… resentment… regret.
Things that have a way of trapping us in yesterday, while God is calling us forward everyday.
The enemy loves to keep us rehearsing the past,
but God’s grace is always pointing us toward what’s ahead.
“Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on…”
— Philippians 3:13–14
A couple of years ago, we experienced a painful betrayal from an old friend—one that caused deep and, to this day, unrepairable harm to several members of our family.
Recently, that person’s name came up in conversation, and my wife said something so honest and so real.
She said, “I know I’ve forgiven him… but why does his name still make me so angry inside?”
I know she’s not alone.
Some of you understand exactly what that feels like.
Spiritually and scripturally, I believe this points to something important:
Anger isn’t always a sign of unforgiveness.
Sometimes it’s a sign of lingering pain—a wound that’s still healing.
Forgiveness is a decision.
Healing is a process.
“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”
— Proverbs 4:23
My wife was wise to establish boundaries to protect our family from further harm.
That is not unforgiveness—that’s biblical stewardship.
Even as we pray for someone, we are not required to give them access to hurt us again.
Let’s talk about pain versus bitterness.
Pain is an emotional response…it is human.
Bitterness occurs when pain is left unchecked and turns into resentment, revenge, or a hardened heart. So often, we just don’t know how to handle the flood of emotions, and we bury the pain in a past time or binge on some series and just put it off for another day, and never do. It’s easier.
Even mature believers need to remember this truth:
Forgiveness is not a moment; it’s often a journey.
Like peeling an onion, layer by layer, God heals us over time.
You may have forgiven, and still…when the name comes up…the anger rises again.
That doesn’t mean you failed.
It may simply mean God is still working.
And here’s a thought some of us may choke on just a little bit:
Sometimes that moment of anger is actually a test.
“Mercy triumphs over judgment.”
— James 2:13
Will we rehash the offense…or will we hand it back to God again and trust Him with justice?
Boundaries are not unforgiveness.
Matthew 18 teaches unlimited forgiveness, but it also teaches accountability and wisdom.
Forgiving does not mean reconnecting with toxic people.
It means releasing them from your heart while protecting your life.
What does Satan do in these moments?
He uses old pain to stir new division.
But when we recognize this tactic, we can respond biblically.
“We take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”
— 2 Corinthians 10:5
So what do we do?
First—give it back to God.
Tell Him the truth. “Lord, I forgave, but I still need help with the fallout.”
Second—pray for them.
Yes, ouch.
Release them into God’s hands and pray that they truly find Jesus and the joy only He gives.
Third—Don’t pick up the spirit of offense.
Relinquish your right to vengeance.
“Do not avenge yourselves… but leave room for God’s wrath.”
— Romans 12:19
Fourth—Hold your boundaries.
Strong boundaries are not bitterness; they are wisdom.
And lastly—Ask God to search your heart.
Let Him show you the difference between hidden bitterness and honest pain that’s still healing.
Jimmy Evans said something recently that struck me deeply:
“Forgiveness doesn’t make them right. It just makes us free.”
That’s the goal.
Freedom.
You may not be walking through this struggle today—but someone you love is.
And when you understand grace this way, you become a voice of healing for others.
So don’t live your life staring into the rearview mirror.
God’s grace has already dealt with the past.
There is freedom ahead.
There is healing ahead.
And God is calling you forward.
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Lauren Daigle Hold on to me.
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