Fearlessly Courageous
Desk of Dennis Piller
10/28/2021
Marriage – How Critical is Submission?
We were at our homebuilders, a couples meeting, last night at our church and the subject was that most popular topic, submission. It was a provocative discussion and teaching about how the world has created a gender blender. The roles and the responsibilities of marriage have changed with so many jumbled-up ideas. The old 50-50 regiment, is really not anything new…but it never works. The old logical adage of meeting halfway sounds reasonable except when you have someone who has a poor judge of distance or has a depth problem.
I can remember the words that I spoke over several weddings; A contract is different than a covenant. Marriage is a covenant!
When you put two people on a horse, one has to be in front and hold the reins. Only one person can drive the car at a time. One has got to be the go-to, in tiebreakers. We all know that the world view of equality is very different than that of the church. But before you go judging this whole submission topic, consider this. I believe that when two people are not in agreement that the issue should be tabled until they can come together. I believe that in those rare occasions where a decision must be made and there isn’t agreement then the man is the tiebreaker.
1 Peter 3:1-7 (https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+Peter+3%3A1-7&version=ESV) “Likewise, wives, be submissive to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct”.
The Bible shows that we have equal value but distinct roles. I love the old adage that God didn’t take Eve from Adam’s head so she could lead him or from his feet for him to walk over her, but from under his arm to be protected and lovingly drawn alongside him to walk through life together. They became one
.
I think most of us would agree that the way to be blessed is just to give. That couldn’t be more true than in the sacrament of marriage. Even though I am no longer a Catholic I still use that word sacrament because I believe that marriage is sacred. Our duty as a man is to love our wives. We are called to deny ourselves and love her like Christ loved the church. That is our life assignment.
Our responsibility is to nourish and cherish her and that means that I must know her, pay attention to her, nurture her and deposit more into her than I am taking out. Ephesians 5: 23 says: “that a man is the head of his wife like Christ is the head of the church”. Having authority brings much responsibility and should always be done with tenderness and respect putting them before yourself.
Christ’s example could not be more clear. Headship is self-crucifixion
for the sake of others and ours is the burden of initiative.
Like a servant leader on a team or a company, their responsibility is to create an appropriate process and to bring in counsel, and to include her as an Intrachol and vital part of that process. Additionally, our job is to disciple our spouses and our children in such a way that they love the process. Unfortunately, I think men have been dumbed down over these last few decades and given up or relinquished the headship of their families over to their wives because of our neglect and failure to take on that responsibility. That is especially true spiritually. We think being the main breadwinner is our primary focus in life and the rest of that gets relegated to our spouse. Even though that’s the way that many live it isn’t the way that God designed it and it isn’t the way that we have to leave it if we have fallen into the trap.
Man’s role is not to be domineering, that’s not biblical. He literally lives to make her great, to empower her, to make sure and ensure that her sails are always full of fresh air. The breath of the Spirit of God.
When we are really loving someone more than ourselves. When we are really loving someone and putting them ahead of us. They want to reciprocate. They want to be a part of that circle whose beginning has no end and whose end and has no beginning. When the marriage is built on love, kindness, and giving, who minds submitting to that kind of sacrificial love?
You’ll never walk alone. Only Boys Aloud
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pFr8mPh9wyk&list=RDVhrxRccU3Lw&index=6 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pFr8mPh9wyk&list=RDVhrxRccU3Lw&index=6)
