Desk of Dennis Piller
2/1/2022
Imperfect fatherhood and letting your children go
My children by the time they were twelve memorized the whole new testament. Came to breakfast each morning with a new song of praise on their lips, did their own laundry, and never quarreled with each other. Yeah Right!
This is my second time around at this and there are no perfect children and no perfect parents. Except my wife comes close. Not me. I am far too bottom line. Far too volatile. Suffered from hearing loss since 18 and am way too loud. We live in a cursed world, I sin, my wife occasionally, and yes my children are sinners too. We have all fallen short of the glory of God and they have fallen short of their inglorious dad.
What did we teach our children? How good of a job did we do? I certainly didn’t accomplish all I wanted. I think they are better than I was at their age or maybe I wasn’t that good. My one daughter lives at home 1/2 way through her first year of college the other starts college this year and is chomping at the bit to live at college somewhere. That is so hard for me. I don’t really think they are ready. So many influences. Not enough Christian anchors in their lives. Not enough for the darkness out there. Is it too late for me to be better and fill In some of the gaps I see? Honestly, it unsettles me, concerns me and if I am honest even frightens me at times
I guess it isn't the first time I have considered my Imperfect fatherhood and letting my children go. How many of my not-so-good traits did they pick up? Things they caught and were not taught?
I am a rare breed at my age to still have a 17 and 19-year-old at home. I am a grandfather and great grandfather and I feel the weight of loving them enough and too much. Being too easy and at times too protective. Lots of times. I am categorized by my kids as old-fashioned, but that to me is a good way. I learned it growing up. I pray they learn that from me.
But don’t give up on fatherhood just because perfection seems continually out of reach. God still portions out enough grace to compensate for our shortcomings. Children of defective parents – your children – can end up relishing God. I have never been concerned about what people would say about my kids, it has been more an issue that I don’t want them to fall into harm's way. ‘Get married too early, have premarital sex, have a child accidentally, marry a non-Christian or compromise their faith by foolish living…Like I did.
Can I have conversations, again, about these things? Sure. Will it make a difference? All I can say is the steadfast love of the Lord never ceases. His love is never in danger nor is mine to my children young or older. I have certain expectations but my life has not gone according to plan …too many times. I've heard at some point that, “Man plans. God laughs”.
Parenting is humbling and we won’t be flawless anymore than our marriages have been without disappointment. We will face regret that we're not better parents and better people. Regrets we passed on, our imperfections, and displayed anger at them for being like us. It is safe to say they probably won’t admire everything about you and our personal flaws will exert lingering influence on them. So I pray for mercy. Really.
As each of our children is different, so will their lives be. Their dreams are…along with their ambitions, their choices of spouses, careers and we are still not in control. But this I know. God gave them to us purposely. He had a plan for us and they were in it. He has a plan for them too and he promises all things will work together for their good too. So as I write this to encourage myself; Trust God, pray for your kids and trust God's plan for their lives and cover them in prayer and more prayer. Let go of the control you think you have and give them to your heavenly father who is molding them into the vessel of his choosing. Is 64:8
“Therefore know that the Lord your God, He is God, the faithful God who keeps covenant and mercy for a thousand generations with those who love Him and keep His commandments …” Deuteronomy 7:9.
“With the merciful, You will show Yourself merciful …” 2 Samuel 22:26.
“Through the Lord’s mercies, we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness.” Lamentations 3:22-23.
Speak the Name Dove Awards Performance feat. Natalie Grant Koryn Hawthorne
