Fearlessly Courageous
Desk of Dennis Piller
4/14/2022
Sometimes I feel I married the wrong person.
Our couples group listened to a great video on going vertical in marriage by David and Ann Wilson. They talked very candidly about what their marriage was like after a honeymoon of a few months. They discussed many of the knockdown drag-out fights they had. And then finally an awful exchange of words: I don’t like you – I married the wrong person. What were we thinking? I’d rather be dead than married to you. These were both Christians, in the ministry.
They worked through those tough days with faith, but Dave continued to wear a lot of hats – he was a husband, Pastor, chaplain, and he was always gone. She remembered saying one day, are you leaving again? Whatever, you do what you have to do! But he was doing so many good things for God and the community that he swore his marriage was a 10 and bet that his wife would say the same thing. But she said they were a 1. They were so disconnected.
Would you accept this rose?
For their 10th year anniversary, he took her out to a fine restaurant, and every few minutes he had the waiter bring out a single rose for each of the 10 years they were married. In between each one he reminisced about the many great things they have done together as a couple. On the way home, he parked in a special place. And she knew what parking meant. And he reached over to kiss her, and she pulled away and he said what’s wrong? She said, “I’ve lost my feelings for you. You’re always gone”.
He reached behind the seat to get his calendar to prove to her how much he was around, and he heard this voice inside saying – "shut up and listen". She said you’re not invested enough. You’re always gone. And the voice within said, "REPENT". Return to your 1st love – you have become lukewarm. And when she looked over, he had found some way in this Honda to kneel with his back to the steering wheel and was praying for God to forgive him.
Ann looked over and remembered the scripture that "a gentle answer turns away wrath". Prov 15: 1 And they genuinely prayed together.
Ann had centered on David and Dave had centered on work. Both had Idolized something other than Christ. Many of us have been guilty of the same thing at different times whether it is – marriage or work or kids or our hobbies.
The bottom line is that our spouses can’t be our fulfillment. It was not that they were the wrong person. It was that we are looking in the wrong place.
The truth is when I spend time with God vertically, I come back filled – ready to give. I may have inflicted more than a little damage and she may not be ready for me to come back in that mode. But my time with God was not so that he could change her it was for him to change me. We are all thirsty for love, acceptance, and attention but when we go vertical and put God first, he quenches every thirst.
How to have a successful relationship:
Jeremiah 2:12 said that God is appalled at two sins; 1. that you have forsaken me and 2. you have dug out cisterns that can hold no water. In Proverbs 3;6 it says "put me first and I’ll make the rest of it work" HOW? Daily, weekly, yearly… pray as a couple, even if it’s two minutes before bed at night… pray together. Even in dating when you start to get serious with somebody. If they won't or you are not comfortable asking…that should speak volumes about what your future will look like.
You would be amazed at what just five minutes will do in both of your lives. To have a date night every week. To be brave enough to ask the question where are we? What can I do to make us better?
Is God in this?
Do something spiritual together. A Bible study or being part of a group of like-minded Christians.
Once a year go to a marriage seminar.
Going Vertical:
When we get so distracted by so many things in our lives it’s easy to grow lukewarm with God. And even though we get to some parts of our dream, it is often not what we thought it would be. And that’s typical because God was and should still be our first love. When we look for our joy and peace and fulfillment somewhere else or with someone else, we are trying to fill a broken cistern.
I know that when I am close vertically with God,
that I REALLY love my spouse.
When I put on God’s armor daily, I’m ready to fight for the peace and unselfish love in my marriage and in my family. I pray you will too.
Please let me know how you like the Audio option above. Blessings
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MgpaULjZOl8&list=RDMM&index=6
Casting Crowns – Praise You In This Storm
