Fearlessly Courageous
Desk of Dennis Piller
5/24/2021
Forgiveness and Marriage Part 1
My cousin, actually a fourth daughter, sent a text the other night saying she was engaged. I was so excited. We sent her a text, “OMG I bless you both with a lifetime of love, joy and forgiveness”. I thought to myself when that came out of me; That’s kind of strange, why would I say that? and I called her afterward to tell her I hope I didn’t offend her by saying that. She said no, I really need to do some forgiving of myself. And if you know me, that really got me thinking about forgiveness and marriage.
How much baggage do we actually carry into a relationship? Or into a marriage? How often do we think about the mistakes that we’ve made that we don’t want to make again in this new and vibrant relationship?
I am certain that’s what engagements are about. They are about taking a closer look at tomorrows…at your futures. Just like they never seem to be any classes on how to become parents. Or if there is, nobody attends them and they are thrown into the melting pot,…pacifiers, midnight feedings, and baby pails. They figure it out as they go. And I think that’s the way a lot of marriages begin. They never ask enough questions of one another. They didn’t ask each other’s opinions on so many things. And so when they get there, emotions flare, words are spoken and communication and forgiveness or unforgiveness become a very real part of real life.
It got me thinking about newly engaged couples, really taking the time to assess their own pasts and not hurry to the altar. Writing down experiences that they’ve had, assessing what their part or responsibility was in those events. What did they learn? What did God want them to learn? (Did you learn the lesson?) What is it that they do not wish to repeat? And honestly, that may take quite a bit more than just I don’t want to do that again. That may not necessarily ensure anything at all other than you feeling good at the moment. You may need a little bit of help, perhaps a little bit of counseling to take a look at external and internal triggers that set you off in a negative direction.
You may need to go back and make a couple of apologies yourself or do some old forgiving. Maybe that’s not physically necessary or appropriate at this stage. But for some, it might be what’s needed to bury the past. And that will certainly include you forgiving yourself. But that also requires taking responsibility for our part of what happened, for some, that’s even harder than forgiving them.
Your fiancé/your spouse has the power to hurt you more deeply than anyone else because you value their approval and affirmation more than anyone else. And they are just as vulnerable to being hurt by you. Forgiveness needs to be a very real part of building the right foundation for this new lifelong relationship.
As I write this I realize these truths go far beyond engaged couples or newlyweds they include us seasoned champions too.
What does the Bible say about forgiveness and reconciliation?
Jesus said: “When you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins” (Mark 11:25). And this forgiveness does not depend on a request from the offender to be forgiven. This is forgiveness based on your relationship with God, not your offender. God is carrying about you carrying this cancer and hurt and wants you free.
No wonder God insists that we “keep a sharp eye out for weeds of bitter discontent. A thistle or two gone to seed can ruin a whole garden in no time” (Hebrews 12:15).
Look there is no magic formula, as long as you are trying to forgive and go on, you ARE forgiving! All of us are beginners, even us old ones.
Doesn’t it feel incredible to be forgiven? When children are disobedient, how does it feel when they return to say, Mom…Dad…I’m so sorry. I really messed up…forgive me please! Can you feel the elation of the father who waiting on the hill for his prodigal son to return and he threw a party! Whether its an argument with friends and regaining that relationship. There is a joy. A relief. A freedom! Forgiveness is the greatest gift we can ever receive. Isn’t it? And isn’t it the greatest gift we can give too? It’s why Jesus came to set us FREE!
It was to heal the rift between man and God himself.
That text I sent my sweet child: “OMG I bless you both with a lifetime of love, joy, and forgiveness”. I think I have a new understanding. Thank you, Lord, as you help us pray through our own closets and do a little spring cleaning.
casting crowns Only Jesus https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_eQd3K2Fxp4&list=PL3oW2tjiIxvTstLS9GlgaT_mqONT0WVDw&index=18
