Fearlessly Courageous
Desk of Dennis Piller
5/25/2021
Forgiveness and Marriage Part II
If you recall, my cousin, actually a fourth daughter, sent a text the other night saying she was engaged. I was so excited. I sent her a text, “OMG I bless you both with a lifetime of love, joy and forgiveness”. I thought to myself when that came out of me; That’s kind of strange why would I say that? I found God in that statement beyond what one devotional could hold.
Forgiveness isn’t just about forgiving someone else. So can I ask, what are some of the causes of unforgiveness? Low self-esteem and lack of self-love stem from not forgiving your self or self-acceptance. Bitterness – increases the risk of depression. Perhaps you are a constant worrier and that increases the risk of sleep deprivation and anxiety along with high blood pressure and a historic short fuse. Matthew 6:14-15 “For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses”. We all know that verse but I’m not so sure we follow that to the letter!
How about holding onto things and not letting them go? How about a bit of history of not taming your tongue?
And allowing hurtful things to escape to leave scars?
Perhaps you’ve been in a hurtful or abusive relationship in the past. Or someone really took advantage of you. How many of those scars or sensitive pressure points do you still carry? Perhaps we haven’t let go of all that bitterness and mistrust? You know they just don’t go away with time. How can that soil a new relationship? What about a little self-righteousness? (I know I’m right so I’m not backing down). What about people that seem to carry around with them the spirit of offense? Isn’t it reasonable that people attach a present upset to bigger upsets from the past that can’t be easily forgiven or forgotten?
Some people are addicted to the benefits of having a grievance. It actually allows them to feel sorry for themselves. Forgiveness requires being able to let go of victimhood. All of us need to remember that we are much more than what has happened to us in the past. When this happens they have a tendency of pulling back, cutting others off to their inner hurts and cries. They seek no help…so they carry these wounds around like a badge of affliction that actually keeps us from being who we really are. Who God created you to be!
Come on let’s get real. All of these things are part of the filter that you carry into this new relationship that is not just gonna go away because you have become engaged or you get married. Each of these are potential land mines that will explode in due time to a fresh and fragile relationship. I know from experience they still explode in mature and seasoned marriages too.
Matthew 18:21-22 Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” …
What about our own guilt and its personal impact and burden on us? “While I kept silence, my body wasted away through my groaning all day long. For day and night your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was dried up as by the heat of summer”. (Psalm 32:3-4)
How about that fiancé or spouse, who thoughtlessly hurt the one they love and realizes it but can’t bring themself to ask for forgiveness. Or they don’t feel they deserve it. And the longer they wait, the higher the wall of separation.
What does God’s heavy hand feel like? (you have to sit still awhile before him to know that). What does it feel like to have your body waste away, while your strength dries up? Can you say you have never been there?
Freedom comes through Forgiveness. Then I acknowledged my sin to you, and I did not hide my iniquity; I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the Lord,” and you forgave the guilt of my sin. (Psalm 32:5)
God will always forgive you. You need to forgive yourself and others too.
“This son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found. . . . We had to celebrate and rejoice because this brother of yours was dead and has come to life; he was lost and has been found”. (Luke 15:24,32)
If we could sit before the judgment seat and let him role the not so pretty highlights of your life now, how might it humble you to be more loving and forgiving to the world at large. His grace is sufficient. It has the power to release freedom and happiness. It has the power to allow us to move forward without ever having to focus on the past, except in humility and in being more accepting of others. When we fail to forgive, it has the power to bind us and hold us captive to hurt and pain, often of our own making.
Forgiveness is not a feeling but an action. We must be intentional about forgiving and not let forgetfulness soften the pain of disappointment or allow pride to harden our hearts because we know we are right. Forgive and know the real joy and freedom of giving and not remembering.
That’s what Jesus did!
Lauren Daigle Rescue
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gYR0xP1j4PY&list=PL3oW2tjiIxvTstLS9GlgaT_mqONT0WVDw
